Sciatica

I know that I have not written for a couple of days.  It has been a busy couple of days.  I have also been down, I have MS and cardiomyopathy and stress seizures, but that is not what kept me down.  I have a curved spine.  So I have been in extremely bad pain, its my sciatica.  I am having a hard time sleeping and laying down or sitting really kills but what is worse is trying to walk.  So I haven't really slept very well in the last couple of days.  I really feel like my lower back is being stabbed over and over or like someone stabbed my with scissors and is opening and closing them in my back.  I have been trying to ignore the pain but my doctor gave me muscle relaxer to help with the pain and they are ten milligrams but its not even touching the pain I have taken six in the last three hours and I am still in so much pain.  Usually I have to go to the hospital and get a shot of dilaudid a very strong muscles relaxer and then a steroid shot.  I hate having these shots but once I get home and lay down comfortably it usually goes away.  The only problem with that is that the car isn't running and I cant walk there but also with the flu epidemic going around I don't want to go there and it get something else so here I am sitting in pain but there is nothing I can do I have to sit here and bear with the pain it makes me realize what my husband is going through.  He is always in pain because of his back.  I just have such a hard time dealing with this pain it feels like my butt is broken and I have this huge lump that spreads across my lower back I have also tried doing icy hot and hot packs and ice packs along with a chair massager that we have yet nothing is helping.

Oh my gosh, I hate pain.  So anyways I am also a little depressed you know life is really kicking me down and I don't know how to deal with it.  I want something but I cant have it no matter how much the money or if I just went and did it.  It would be the end of me.  I cant understand how some people can be so selfish its all about them and what they want.  I cant really say but I am so disappointed in these people who are so close to me that they would be acting in such a manner.  Oh well I know that god is with me and he will show me a way to get through this just like we get through everything else.  It is time for me to be responsible and do what is right for a change.  I just want a good home and my kids to be happy and well off in life even though I don't have the money I wish that I could just do this now and not wait until later.  So this is some of the things I have been through and someday I will be blessed to have the things I want.