Sciatica

I know that I have not written for a couple of days.  It has been a busy couple of days.  I have also been down, I have MS and cardiomyopathy and stress seizures, but that is not what kept me down.  I have a curved spine.  So I have been in extremely bad pain, its my sciatica.  I am having a hard time sleeping and laying down or sitting really kills but what is worse is trying to walk.  So I haven't really slept very well in the last couple of days.  I really feel like my lower back is being stabbed over and over or like someone stabbed my with scissors and is opening and closing them in my back.  I have been trying to ignore the pain but my doctor gave me muscle relaxer to help with the pain and they are ten milligrams but its not even touching the pain I have taken six in the last three hours and I am still in so much pain.  Usually I have to go to the hospital and get a shot of dilaudid a very strong muscles relaxer and then a steroid shot.  I hate having these shots but once I get home and lay down comfortably it usually goes away.  The only problem with that is that the car isn't running and I cant walk there but also with the flu epidemic going around I don't want to go there and it get something else so here I am sitting in pain but there is nothing I can do I have to sit here and bear with the pain it makes me realize what my husband is going through.  He is always in pain because of his back.  I just have such a hard time dealing with this pain it feels like my butt is broken and I have this huge lump that spreads across my lower back I have also tried doing icy hot and hot packs and ice packs along with a chair massager that we have yet nothing is helping.

Oh my gosh, I hate pain.  So anyways I am also a little depressed you know life is really kicking me down and I don't know how to deal with it.  I want something but I cant have it no matter how much the money or if I just went and did it.  It would be the end of me.  I cant understand how some people can be so selfish its all about them and what they want.  I cant really say but I am so disappointed in these people who are so close to me that they would be acting in such a manner.  Oh well I know that god is with me and he will show me a way to get through this just like we get through everything else.  It is time for me to be responsible and do what is right for a change.  I just want a good home and my kids to be happy and well off in life even though I don't have the money I wish that I could just do this now and not wait until later.  So this is some of the things I have been through and someday I will be blessed to have the things I want.

Lazy Day

  Well today has been quit a day.  To update you all we did get that bill taken care of I still owe them more money but it wont get shut off so that is a good thing.  I spent today relaxing with my husband and kids.  We got to watch movies and actually take a nap.  So far we have watched thor which is such a great movie.  I love the super hero movies and if you have seen thor and you are a woman who loves action and thor who is played by a super sexy hero then you know why I love this movie.  My all time favorite hero movie though is iron man.  I love the action and his super cocky attitude he makes me laugh.  He reminds me a lot of my husband.  He cracks me up all the time.  I also love the avengers movie which of course has thor, iron man, black widow, thor, and so many more.  I love that it has something for everyone.  I cant wait for the next one.  I do have to say though that I love hulk in the avengers movie especially the part where he takes loki and pumbles him back and forth and says puny god lol.  Such a great part but there are other parts I love in it to.  Anyways so we are watching iron man now.  I am up so late because of course I took a nap but I also enjoy spending time with my family when we have no worries because they are few and far between. 

  My husband today also wrote a post about our families coming to see us.  We live on the outskirts of ohio and we have been in closer where family is so many times to help through ruff times or just to visit right now though we cant because of so many things going on.  The thing is and my husband wrote this is we have six kids yet none of our family has ever come to visit us here at our home.  We can pick up and leave and go see all of them some only having 2 kids or none.  Yet none of them can come to see us.  They are all better off then us as well.  Having there own businesses and such.  Making good money.  Yet they never are near to help us or come to see us.  I really hate saying anything because maybe they aren't doing as good as they say no one wants to let out all there goings on, but what is the deal, why are we always the ones to pack up six kids and travel almost two hours one way to see them and then most of the time we are putting out money to eat there buy them groceries or doing for them, yet none will take the time to even call us to see how we are doing.  I always make sure I call on every birthday to all family members and I also just write randomly to see how they are doing.  Thank god we have my husbands mom who trys to make a visit every year.  I don't know maybe it is useless to say anything or complain.

  So we are going to just enjoy our time.  We are going to take the kids on the first of January to go shopping with there Christmas money.  I hope they all get something they really want.  I am totally excited to see what they want to get with there own money.  I mean they got lots of clothes this Christmas simply because they needed that but also I only have two little ones who really play with toys.  So it will be interesting to see what they all get.  My 17 year old wants to take her money and get mcdonalds but I think that is kind of a waste I mean we don't eat out a lot but or really ever but I don't think that is a good way of spending her money.  She could do so many more positive things with it.  Like going to the movies which we don't do cause lets be real just to go is almost eighty dollars for us and then don't even get me started on the snack booth.  I mean really four dollars for a large coke and then they want like six bucks for popcorn.  We as a family have to spend almost a hundred and fifty dollars to go.  I think that it is a rip off to charge people that to see a movie and anyways we just buy the movie if we like it on blu ray anyways so whats the use in doing that.  Its a complete waste of money.

  So now that I am here emptying all my stuff online to a bunch of strangers though it does make me feel better lol.  I thank you all for listening to my ramblings.  I hope you all enjoy my blog and if you want to read about anything on our family, I am an open book right now just leave a comment on what you would like to know.  Have a great night and good day tomorrow.  Night.

Business as usual!

Do you ever have that sleep, where you are sleeping so good you don't hear anything, feel anything and don't remember having any dreams.  Yeah me either lol, no I finally fell asleep about five in the morning.  Then I hear this pounding on the door, so my husband gets up and answers it, its our neighbor paying us back.  Okay that is fine and all but she calls like so many times I don't know why they couldn't wait till we were up.  The kids were all asleep finally we were all just rocking some sleep and bam here comes my neighbor.  Anyways so I am up now and decided I need to just get this bill that is going to get our gas shut off (no hot water) a call and find out what is going on because we were given one thing and then another comes in saying something else and let me tell ya the second one I was hoping was a mistake cause there is no way we could have paid that off.  So we are trying to give ourselves just an hour to wake up so that we can go pay this bill and keep it from being turned off.  Then lets hope that our car starts to go do this otherwise we have to go get a jump from the neighbor again just to do it.  Man this year has just been a real bad one.  Sometimes I wonder if we would be okay if I went back to work but then I remember no one will hire me because of my seizures, its to much of a risk to them.  I mean I don't blame them if I was the boss I might not hire me either but let me tell you social security disability doesn't pay to be on it.  I make enough to cover rent and one bill.  Which is probably why one of our bills is at disconnect because I have to pay them every other month. I pick one bill to pay one month then another the next month and of course water has to be paid every month cause they don't mess around if you get turned off that's that.  You also cant ask for an exstension except for once a year once you have used that you are screwed.  I know to some of you this doesn't seem like the ultimate way to live but it is what it is.  I can only do so much I am hoping that my husband with all his medical junk gets approved soon and we no longer have to do this.  I would like to just not have to worry about what is going to get shut off next and just pay our bills every month.  So now that you all know my problems its time for me to move on with the day.  Blog with you later. 

Day after christmas

Here it is almost two in the morning the day after Christmas.  I cant sleep and its probably because tomorrow we have to get back to real life and figure out how to keep our water on.  I have fifty dollars that I have won in gift cards playing instant win games but that is not even near or going to touch what we need to pay.  So I am hesitant to go to bed I mean how did this happen is all I keep thinking.  But then there is always the upside that we do have a roof over our head and water and all the amenities that you need to be comfortable in life.  Its just you know in summer we can go without hot water cause its so hot a nice cold shower isn't to bad especially if you do it at the hottest part of the day.  The only thing is its winter and no hot water wont work here.  So what do I do I am going to try and talk to them about options to getting this paid off, but I only make so much a month and well its not even covering my bills monthly not including the gas money I have to pay to drive my daughter back and forth to school.  Which is sad because sometimes I cant take her the last two weeks of the school week cause we cant afford the gas to take her.  Then I am also thankful because she can do her school work online so that is a saver.  Anyways so tomorrow I am hoping that the car will stop cause the kids would like to spend there Christmas money they received.  I hope that they are truly happy with what they got, but god has blessed me with six beautiful children that are so appreciative with what they have and they aren't selfish at all.  I hope that my children stay humble and grow to have great jobs that don't kill them or they hate.  I also hope that they one day help others in need knowing what they went through I hope that they in turn would not want anyone else to suffer that either but I also hope that they don't get taken advantage of either.  There father and I have tried so hard to instill good values and respect and to be thankful for all they have because it can all be gone in a blink of an eye.  Anyways I am rambling I so hope whoever out there is not thinking omg this girl can ramble lol.  So I sit here and I am watching old dogs, I love this movie its so funny so I should get off here and go enjoy it.  I hope you all have a wonderful day and if your looking for any great deals let me know cause not only is blogging an interest for me I am also crazy for freebies and deals like the extreme couponers I am a sucker for freebies and deals and oh giveaways but I have to say I have won a pretty penny doing them.  Its such a great feeling to win something after trying and thinking oh what the heck I will see if this is real and BAM I win 25 bucks yee haw.  Alright everyone goodnight and I will be back blogging tomorrow.  Night.

Christmas Day!

Well our day is finally almost over.  It went so well, everyone had a great day, the kids loved there gifts and me and the hubby feel accomplished.  I am so thankful for all those around us that have helped us out through the year.  We have had such a horrible year this year and I feel like it has really knocked the air out of us.  I feel like we are trying to come up for air but someone is holding us down.  I now know that we are not alone and all those times that we were being kicked while were down there was another door there to get away.  Anyways so we survived Christmas day and it was a hit.  We didn't get to have a big meal but we did get a meal, I threw some tuna casserole together and we all had a great time talking and saying what we were thankful for.  I wouldn't and couldn't ask for anymore.  I am very thankful that I have six beautiful children and a husband who helps me everyday.  We have walked through fire and come out standing unburned.  I appreciate all that have helped me and got us through this year.  I want to especially give a thanks to my mother in law who has been there for us in so many ways.  Just not here in this year but through out our marriage.  You don't find many women like that so willing to take in someone and make her yours.  I also want to publicly say thank you to our santa this year who saved us, she adopted our family and provided my kids with such a beautiful Christmas.  Without her my kids would have only gotten one present maybe.  It is so wonderful to know that there are people out there to help people like me.  I am no bible beater but I do have my beliefs and I do believe in god.  I know that he has been watching over our family because if he wasn't we wouldn't have made it through the year with all we have still.  We may have to sell our things but I do have to say we are still blessed with all we have.  There are tons of people with a lot worse.  So to our secret santa who I have no name or number or address for I say thank you to you and your daughters you are such a blessing.  I also say thank you to god for getting us through this year in one piece.  I also want to give my husband a shout out to, though we may have our problems or arguments, you have been through so much this year, that I don't know how you are still keeping strong, but that is what I admire about you, I love you so much and I hope that 2015 brings you better news and is not so hard on you.  This man has been a rock this year and made it through some pretty thick mud but we are still here and still taking care of business.  Love my family and kisses to them for being so great.

Christmas Eve 2014

So here it is the big night that santa comes.  I love the excitement, but I hate that my kids are so excited for it that they don't go to sleep till like one in the morning.  I would like to be in bed at a decent time as well, so that I may enjoy the day with the children and play with gifts.  I want to be able to feel like I am not rushed, running around getting stuff done.  I am always doing this every year and they go to bed at like eight at night so what do I do.  I can get everything done its just when I start to get tired I stress, then I start forgetting things.  I mean here it is almost eleven thirty and I am writing in my blog because my kids are still up there talking....uuugghhh what do I do.  So we had fun today we helped the neighbor out with curling her little girls hair.  I am always elected cause I love to do all different kinds of hair do's in my girls hair.  Then we made a trip to the store for some odds and ends...oh by the way the neighbor had to take me cause the car died and well she seen us walking and said no way your walking I will take you.  I have such wonderful neighbors.  Then we watched some Christmas movies, I then dyed my hair so that in the pics I didn't have this horrible hair.  We then had some dinner and watched a couple more movies.  They all got to open one gift, they got Christmas cards from grandma which included fifty dollars each.  I don't know how she does it cause with just our family there is six kids and grandma had 4 children and many grandbabies some even having babies of there own.  Then we watched another movie and were stopped by a knocking at the door, it was our neighbors letting us know that our trampoline was two houses down so we all carried that back.  We tried to tie it down but it was so bent that only one side was touching the ground.  My kids were so upset.  We moved on and made some cookies from scratch with some homemade frosting and crused candycanes on top which was kinda cool.  We didn't have any sprinkles so I improvised and crushed some candycanes we had on the tree and we put them on top of the cookies.  It was pretty awesome.  They then went to bed and me and my husband sit here waiting for them to sleep.  Oh how I miss the days of just getting some sleep.  I drink so much coffee now that I still don't feel awake lol.  Well anyways I hope that you all enjoy your Christmas eve and I hope you all get some sleep and a little extra for me lol.  Merry Christmas.

Maze Runner

So let me just start this and tell you that I have bought series books and read them before the shows or movies have come out (like twilight, game of thrones, 50 shades of gray).  I love to read the books and see where they take the movie and how close to the movie they stick to.  So when they did the twilight movies I was very pleased to see that they pretty much stuck to the book.  I mean almost word for word, they of course took some parts that really didn't matter but overall it was pretty good knowing that they didn't Hollywood it lol.  Then the maze runner came out, now I have a 13 year old boy and he read the first book and then gave it to me, I didn't get the chance to read it.  So my family and I watched the maze runner tonight on television.  I did not get to read the book so I don't know if they stuck to the movie but I do know this.  I totally enjoyed it.  It had action, mystery, thrilling.  I could go on forever.  I fell in love because the kids for one are so amazing to be in such a movie and I think they did amazing.  The two main characters were great, you felt like you were watching a boxing fight cheering them on to get out of the maze.  Now I don't want to give anything away but I will say I loved the ending.  I recommend that all of you buy this on dvd or blu ray which ever you prefer.  I love watching these movies over and over because you notice things you didn't from when you watched it the first time.  You know if your are a mom or dad you have those stare off moments crossing everything you have done for the day or what needs to be done.  I am a typical person that does this and if this doesn't happen to you then you are a lucky one lol.  Anyways this movie is great for kids of all ages I think I have a five and six year olds and there both girls they both loved it.  I also have four other kids ranging from 10 to 17.  This would be an amazing gift for anyone who loves the hobbit movies or twilights or harry potters.  I believe this series will be a total hit this year. 

Suprise Santa!

So here it is a day before Christmas eve, and a nurse and her two daughters delivered presents to all my kids.  I find that they are such a blessing for one I have six kids, that in its self is so amazing that someone would take from there own kids to give to kids that don't have much.  I mean we survive and we have things but we struggle every month.  This wonderful nurse from the hospital that was helping not only help my husband has also blessed my kids with such a wonderful Christmas.  I don't know what to say.  I had given up on people and sometimes I come across people such as her and her family and I think maybe just maybe I am wrong.  Cause how would someone so blessed come into my life like something that happened.  This has been the worst month ever and so many things have happened and all that we are going through she made my kids Christmas amazing.  I don't mean she did things that were small she basically bought them a whole new wardrobe and all new toys and big toys.  I mean I could never thank her enough, so then I think what could I do in return to pay it forward.  I don't have money to do this but I would like to help someone like that.  I wonder sometimes how god has showed me that he is right here with my family.  Even though were are faced with these trials we go through, and lessons, maybe there is a point to traveling this road.  Maybe this world isn't cruel, I just need to open my eyes and trust that people do have good.  I have just not helped them find it in them.  I don't think all people are bad, but I think maybe what if I just smiled or said hello to someone, or said bless you when someone sneezed or did something funny just to brighten there day.  I think things could look up for everyone.  So I look forward to some change and I just want to say to everyone out there to have a wonderful Christmas and remember what its all about life is to short to dwell in the past and keeping grudges could change you and not them.  Lets all move forward and see where that takes us.  Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Todays happenings

Today will be busy for us.  If you all read my first post then you would know we are very short on money.  So we will be going to the pawn shop to get rid of our ps3 and video games.  Now I know you all are probably like omg that is uncool cause of the kids but we have a new one the xbox one.  So no one plays the playstation 3 anymore.  So we need the money and will get rid of it and then we will also be getting rid of our tv in our room because we don't usually sleep in there our bed seems to hurt our backs and so we sleep on the couches in our living room.  So we are hoping to get enough money to pay our gas bill which will be shut off if we don't pay it.  We also need the money to pay for my seizure medicine because I am out.  I shouldn't ever come off that money but when you go through life like we do not knowing what is coming out from the shadows you need to pay what's getting shut off first.  I know you all must think this is sad, but don't be sad we have learned to do what we need to.  We do what we need to for our kids to be some what comfortable and to have some nice things.  We don't usually have problems with bills getting shut off but we happen to be on a electricity program and when we went to renew it was three days late and they reverted back to us paying it regularly.  So now we must pay that back bill before we can be put back on that program.  It is hard for us to come up with so much money.  We don't sell anything that our kids get use out of or things that give them some comfort just our stuff is up for grabs.   We fill they go through so much now not being able to play sports or go many places cause we don't have gas money that we make sure they have things here at home to do.  I sometimes don't feel like a good parent cause I cant do the things others do but I have to say my kids are so well behaved, well mannered and respectful.  They also have straight a's in school which is the important thing seeing how we will not be able to provide college money.  They all know that to go to college they must get a scholarship so they all do very well in grades and community service.  I couldn't be more proud of my children and there love for other people.  I only wish I could do more for them to show them that they mean so much to me and I love them for all that they do and accomplish but they seem to be happy with what they have and where we live.  I love my family for all they are and all there going to be.

Breakfast at Tiffany's

So I was a late bloomer this morning but I awoke at 11:30 a.m. which was such a luxury when you have as many kids as we do lol.  Anyways I got my coffee and then my hubby was looking through Netflix movies and we came across Breakfast at Tiffany's.  Now I assume you all have seen it, yet I sit here explaining to my hubby that I have never seen it.  Now if you know us we have a dvd collection of 5,000 movies not including blu rays and vhs.  So he found this very hard to believe.  So we started watching it.  I find that I liked the movie right away.  It has a beautiful woman, who is very peculiar, she seems to talk about all kinds of things but none seem to really matter at any point.  As we went through the movie I noticed how she had highlights and I think how so many people now love to have highlights.  Then I see all these beautiful hats and wonder when will this all come back into style but with a twist.  It seems that everything that is worn now a days seem to have a bit of a twist.  Just like the highlights now have color like pink, blue, or purple.  I also noticed in this movie that they go to tiffany's.  Now we all know I am not a rich person of course not I have six kids.  Anyways I found the store in the movie to look horrible and not that inviting, now I have never been to one now but I didn't exactly understand what was so great about the store to her.  She does explain in the movie that diamonds were not her thing because she felt they were for older women, so what is all the hype then about it.  I guess maybe the fact that its all the jewelry in it.  I then find that she is such a great actress, you could generally feel that she could very be this person playing in the movie.  I mean don't get me wrong I obviously love movies based on our collection but a lot of the movies that come out now don't have a lot of feeling in them like in them days lol.  I mean you feel something when you watch these movies, they generally tell a good story and its believable.  I cant really wrap my hands around all the new actors and actresses these days.  I mean I love me some Arnold, and Sylvester, and Mel gibbson, and goldie hawn.  There movies to me are just classics.  My husband on the other hand is a lover of the 80's, so he collects all the movies in that genre.  I love most of them but he also loves some romances and I just cant seem to indulge in them to me they are so whiny and wanting and I just cant stand to watch them and cry.  Who wants all those feelings.  I would rather watch a good action, horror or comedy.  I mean I want something to motivate me like the rocky movies or a good comedy such as the madea movies.  I mean come on does she (he) lol not make you laugh at the things she says, yet the reason it makes you laugh is cause you have done this or someone you know has.  I don't know I guess I will continue to think on this but overall the breakfast at tiffany's was pretty awesome just another addition to come to our happy home.

Life these days!

I have been through so much this year.  Here is a little bit about me and my family.  We (me and my husband) have been married for 13 years now, we have six beautiful children.  Life has been good at times, we have had so much and we are very blessed.  The last few years we have had a hard time.  I had some medical issues and now am on social security disability.  My husband then lost his jobs for spine (back and neck) issues.  He had to have two surgeries the first one was a disc replacement in his neck it was experimental and it had only been on nine people.  He then was taken back to them for intense pain and found out it slipped and was sitting on his spinal cord.  They went back in and took it out and then just fused his neck.  He has permanent nerve damage and now he has pain in his leg and other arm.  Now they have found a chiari malformation in his brain, which needs a second opinion.   So things have been intense, we live on very little money and with the holidays coming it has been depressing, knowing we cant do anything for our kids.  Then my husband was taken to the emergency room for heart issues, and the nurse that was helping him, asked if she could adopt our family for Christmas.  I have never felt so blessed, it is like amazing how someone, I don't know her family situation but to put out money for six kids is amazing and such a blessing.  I have a hard time dealing with someone doing something for me and makes me feel like someone up there is really watching out for me.  So I want to do something for her family to say thank you but I of course have no money for presents or even thank you cards.  So I was thinking of cooking something and maybe having the kids making there family a Christmas card.  I love to cook and bake things but I don't know if that would take away what she has done for our kids.  I don't want her to feel like I am taking away from what she is doing.  I just want her to know that we are so blessed to have such a beautiful family to bless a very large family with such a great gift.  I want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas.