Sunday Night Convo!

So here is the deal I am a step parent to my hubbys 17 year old daughter.  I don't usually say that cause I count her as mine, but there is a reason I am saying this.  Tonight we are having a math off as we call it we ask questions at the dinner table for each one of the kids and they give us an answer.  So we are doing this and my six year old says mommy, I have to tell you something Ali and Britt have been talking bad about you.  So I say oh yeah, and she said yeah they say you guys are jerks and mean and blah...blah...blah.  No big deal to me or the hubby.  The thing is they talk bad about us in front of the little ones.  Now we all know are kids are going to get mad at us and say and do things they don't mean.  Later on in life we hope that they will see what we say and do was to help them in life.  So anyways we move on but the hard thing is my 17 year old daughter is so selfish.  I mean her blood mother gets child support and a lot of it, and we have her full time, she also is the only child on that side.  So her mom sends her money on a debit card, sent her four hundred dollars cash for Christmas not including what we did for her and her grandparents on all three sides.  She came out with about seven hundred dollars for Christmas.  We are the only ones who did not do money or gift cards. 

So she also has an iPhone 5s...we did not get this for her.  Her mother did, and pays the bill.  Now we had to go to the store to grocery shop.  And if you all read some of my other posts you know we are having car problems.  So we can start the car get to the store and have to stay at least and hour, before the car will start again.  So I ask her to keep an eye on the kids and also if we could borrow her phone in case car doesn't want to start and we have to walk in freezing weather.  She says yes she will watch the kids but that she was waiting for a call from her mother.  Now we have a home phone but she needed her cell phone for some reason.  So my husband said just let it go.  I quit frankly am tired of the double standards for one she is teaching the younger kids things, they shouldn't know yet.  The other thing is she has all this stuff and buys take out food or goes out to eat all the time.  But never once takes into consideration the other kids who cant do that because we cant afford it.  Yet when we do have money we make sure we do for all.

So here is the thing what do I do.  I don't think it is fair.  The kids don't seem to really think about these things and I don't want them to see her differently or think they can have the same cause they cant.  I don't want any of my kids including her to have everything they want.  Yet anytime you try to talk to her mom to stop she says yeah that's fine but I am not turning her phone off.  Then does it anyways.  I cant seem to make her understand that how is she to survive in life with having everything handed to her.  She needs to know that life is not like this and you have to work for what you want.  She is only 5 months away from turning 18 and she has no idea.  I feel stuck her dad backs me up a hundred percent but that doesn't matter when she gets it anyways.  She is most likely not going to graduate cause she goes to school and is all about a social life.  She doesn't go anywhere here because we refuse to let her because she is not doing well in school and she physically attacked her dad last week and still has no regrets about it.  She also says she thinks that I am just another person she doesn't have to listen to and sees me as below her. 

I need to do something but I am so lost.  I mean should I leave it alone, or just give up and let her learn on her own.  I don't know maybe you guys if anyone is reading this have some suggestions for me.  Thanks have a great night.