So much pain right now!

I am an emotional wreck.  I found out I was pregnant and now I am having a miscarriage.  I am so upset I had my tubes tied in 2009 and I have lost 3 babies now.  Why is this happening.  I mean really I am to young to get a hysterectomy but I am not to young to have six kids and keep losing babies.  I emotionally cant take it anymore.  I am going crazy and mad and just exhausted.  I mean where do I go from here.  I am in so much pain and I also know that with all my medical conditions I would be high risk pregnancy and possibly have a disabled child.  I believe every child deserves a chance.  It wouldn't be my first choice but I would love my child either way.  Where is this taking me or teaching me maybe I don't know I am so confused and hurt.  I feel like just curling into a ball and crying.  Also my poor husband is so upset he has kind of shut himself up.  I feel like I am failing him.

  I mean what do you tell your husband.  I am sorry I cant carry your children.  I wish I would have never gotten that stupid tubal when I did then I would never have to worry about this.  I want to just move on but I think to grieve is the best way.  I always have to write or I just bottle it up and explode.  I wanted this baby so bad.  Unfortunately I cant afford to have my tubes untied.  I am kind of stuck in a hard spot what do I do.  Do I have the hysterectomy or do I have my tubes untied, I am so tied and feel like I am being split in different directions.  I wish I could just curl up and cry till the pain is gone.  The more pain I have from this miscarriage the more I think about losing my precious child.

Been so long updates!

So sorry for taking so long to post what's been up.  We have had so many things happen, me and my husband so far this year have experienced some hard times.  For one we got our taxes back, so we planned this huge road trip, and then our landlord decides he wants us to move out and raise our rent if we didn't pay a full year like we did last year.  So we looked for a place but everything was so expensive, so we made a deal with him paid the extra rent this month and he compromised on some things as well.  I still am looking for a new place, I just cant take staying here knowing he is being a big turd head.  So besides that then we let our daughter stay at her friends house and she ends up drinking and getting knocked up.  I don't know what to do about that she thinks she has had a miscarriage she bled for two days but I think she just told me that for one she had no emotional struggles, two then she had no pain and three she never came and got some stuff for her bleeding.

I am struggling with so many things and emotions right now she is getting ready to graduate in may, then she has prom and the boy who knocked her up is a little turd to he tells her to punch herself in the stomach, or get drunk or do something to have a miscarriage.  I wanted to kill this boy.  I am very controlled and don't like confrontation.  This boy has done nothing but torcher her.  Anyways so then here a few days ago I find out that I am pregnant again.  I am about 7 weeks and I am super excited but I am also very scared because I had my tubes tied and I am in my 30's and I had a lot of medical conditions.  Then not only that but the new van we just bought from new wave car lot here in Zanesville sells us this beautiful van a 2005 Chrysler town and country my husband made this happen and got me this van now its been a month and the belts in the tire are busted and the van wobbles when driving they said oh mam you cant drive this car and it has been like that for more than a month so I call them they say of course that it is as is paid for and then they look at them and they give me one tire and wouldn't even put it on for me.  So now I have to come up with the money to do this I am so upset with them.  I am going to say that I feel everyone or anyone who sees this don't buy a car from them they will rip you off.  Well guys and gals I will see you later hope to post more and sorry for my absence.